Prank Call
by SapphireSami22
Summary: It's nighttime when the Homunculi come over to visit at Central and they end up prank calling people. Just what can possibly happen?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: It's been so long since I've written a fanfiction, and this is slightly OOC. Rated T for some language. Kind of off for the time period as well, I mean, they didn't have cell phones.**

**Pride's POV**

Late at night today, I had pretended to go to bed. It wasn't much of a challenge either, because I was excellent at feigning sleep when I wanted to. My stepmother never checks my bedroom and I never sleep anyway, so there really was no loss or gain. I left the house right after I was sure that the hallway was clear. The point was, I had to get to the Central command center, where Wrath was staying overnight for an inspection, to join my "siblings", Lust, Greed, Envy, Sloth and Gluttony who were all sitting around watching a horror movie (except for Sloth, who was sleeping on the floor) by the time I got there. It was above Father's lair, which made it easier to get there, since there was a tunnel under Wrath's house and all the tunnels eventually led to the command center, which was the center of the nationwide transmutation circle.

Well, in case if you are wondering, I did not come up with the idea, nor did I want to go in the first place.

"What if Father finds out about this?" I had demanded a day ago when Wrath had agreed to let them stay in an unused room that was one of the many given to the Fuhrer. I was referring to Our Father, who created us Homunculi, is the most powerful being, second to God, or so he claims, who plans to transmute the country into a Philosophers' Stone by using five sacrifices, and other great plans he had in store. If he found out we were spending the night piled up in a room in Central, doing things with absolutely no purpose, we would be in a lot of trouble. And I was the eldest, so I probably would have to tell them what to do and in the end, it was all my responsibility. "This can be considered as wasting time-"

"He won't," Wrath said. "Besides, what's better than a night with your family? I have already told everyone about you, and those foolish humans will bow down to us just because we're Homunculi." he chuckled. Well, I had to admit he had a point and it did quite make sense. Even though Wrath was younger than me, I believed he had a little sense, though not as much as I did, of course.

So here I was, sitting on the couch, tossing popcorn into Gluttony's mouth. It was very boring, and I don't have time for tasteless movies humans come up with and expect to be scary. Perhaps my siblings found it fun, and it was natural that I didn't, because I was _Pride_, the first homunculus, after all. No other emotions exist within me, or so that's what I try to say to everyone- but they just laugh at me and say otherwise. But of course, the other Homunculi didn't think the way I did about the movie.

"Can I eat the table?" Gluttony turned around to ask me.

"No…" I began but then somebody screamed in the movie, causing me to jump.

"See, Pride, you _do_ have emotions, you're scared…" Envy smirked. "I mean, what would you expect from a little kid?"

I glared at him (see what I mean) and opened my mouth to reply, but then Lust said, "SHHH." as her nails pierced through 5 pieces of popcorn.

..Like those annoying people at movie theatres (Wrath's wife had taken me once). I stared at the floor in irritation and waited for the movie to end. Until then, it was like slow torture.

"I knew everyone was going to die anyway," Greed concluded just as the screen turned blank.

"So what do you want, a cookie?" Envy muttered.

"Yeah, and make sure it doesn't have raisins I hate those," he made a face.

"Anyways," Lust said . "What are we supposed to do until Wrath gets here?"

"I'd be happy to leave," I said hopefully. No one answered, so I just sat back down on the couch and stared at the wall.

"Well, I have cards," said Envy, taking out a deck. When he divided it in half he paused.

"There were 52 cards…now there are only 30..."

Gluttony burped.

Lust asked, "Gluttony did you eat them?"

"Um," Gluttony said, putting a finger into his mouth. "Yes?"

"YOU F*CKING IDIOT! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION?!" Envy demanded, getting up.

"I was hungry…" Gluttony began fearfully.

"Sit down," I said calmly. "There are better things we could do."

"Like …" Greed questioned. There was silence except for Sloth's snores.

"Wait— we could prank call people," Lust suggested.

"At night?" I asked doubtfully, looking up. It made sense if this was another time of the day. Wouldn't people be asleep at this time? Or maybe it was just me, used to being sent to bed at nine, or some time around there.

"It's only eleven," she shrugged. "So, who should we call?"

"What about that colonel bastard— Roy Mustang?" Envy said, while tearing the remaining cards he had. "I could turn into Hughes and annoy him; I mean he's dead so Mustang won't know what hit him."

"That's just going to piss him off." Lust interrupted in a flat voice.

"Oh I know," Envy said, an insane smile spreading across his face. "Let's call the Fullmetal pipsqueak!"

"We… don't have his number," I turned it down. "This is so pointless, I mean, we don't know _any_ of their numbers…"

"_Actually_," Greed said. "We do," he reached into his jacket pocket and took out his phone.

"_You _have his number in _your_ phone?" I questioned. Okay, maybe we were acquaintances with them, but to be as close as to ask someone for their number..?

"Nahh, this is Ling's," he replied.

Lust smiled deviously.

"Let's see, so who should be the one to make the call...?"

**A/N: Review! Who do you think Envy should voice when they prank call Ed XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to some of the reviews I got I was able to get ideas for this chapter ^^**

**Envy** decided, finally, after a long time to turn himself into Roy Mustang. And then he dialed the number.

**Envy's POV**

As soon as the pipqueak picked up, I interrupted his greeting with, "Fullmetal, I need you to do me a favor." In an extremely laid back voice, that unmistakably sounded like Roy's when he tried to get something out of someone without sounding too direct.

"Colonel?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I need you to do some gift shopping for me, there's a huge once-in-a-year sale this week that can't be missed." I continued.

"What am I, you're errand boy?" Ed replied bluntly. "And no thanks, I'm not going shopping for you."

"It's an order."

"This has nothing to do with the military!"

I sighed. "The truth is, since the stores are going to be so crowded, I figured you could get around with no trouble, you're so small—"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A—"

I held the phone away from his ear a good two feet beforehand. I knew I'd struck a nerve.

"—PINT SIZED BEANSPROUT, HUH?"

I grimaced. Does he always repeat the same thing when people call him short? Rolling my eyes, I said, "You need to accept that you're a little short for your age, Fullmetal."

"Are you trying to make fun of me, Colonel? Well, before you do, YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE A SOGGY MATCH WHEN YOU'RE COVERED IN WATER!"

I muted the call and laughed so hard, it took me a lot of effort looked up to see the others' faces. Even _Pride _had managed to smile. It was worth annoying the pipsqueak just to hear that. I then realized he had hung up on me, no, or should I say, _the colonel_.

But I wasn't finished just yet.

After I changed my appearance a second time, Pride said, frowning slightly as he closely observed, "Something looks different..."

"Yeah, is it just me, or are you shorter than the real Ed?" Greed asked.

"Whatever, short is short," I shrugged and redialed. "Makes no difference to me."

"What a thoughtful thing to say," Pride replied sarcastically, cocking his head in mock wonder. Oh, I almost forgot that he was a midget as well.

On the third ring, Ed answered. "I swear, if it's the Colonel.." he was saying to someone. "..Hello?"

"Hello?" I imitated.

"Who is it?" a voice that sounded a lot like the pipsqueak's brother asked in the background.

"No one." Ed replied. "It's probably a redirect call."

Of course, I wasn't going to let him hang up that easily this time. "Meow," I said loudly, into the phone. Lust raised an eyebrow, and gave me a "wtf?" look. I shrugged.

"What was that?" Ed demanded. "Al, are you hiding another cat somewhere?"

"What? No! Don't look at me," Alphonse said defensively. "It's coming from the phone."

"That doesn't make sense, I'm pretty sure the call was hollow, it even echoed my voice."

"Meow," I repeated.

Ed yelled in surprise, "What the hell is that supposed to be?"

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" I mimicked his tone.

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nii-san, it sounds like your voice." Al said, with a hint of amusement.

"What? That's impossible!"

"What? That's impossible!"

"And you!" Ed shouted at me through the phone. "Who do you think you are? You're not funny, you know."

"Hmm, like _you_ are." I said sarcastically. He wasn't very smart, either. So maybe I could poke at him just a _little_ more.

"Just who do you think you are?!"

"Edward Elric," I smirked. "Also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist."

"That's MY name!"

"..No, smart-ass, it's mine."

Ed apparently lost it, and started shouting a tangle of incoherent words at me. Al said hastily, "Nii-san, just ignore it and hang up."

"..Yeah, hang up," I encouraged in a sing-song voice. It seemed he took his brother's word for it, because the screen went white and changed back to the contact's list.

I turned back into myself and grinned up at the other Homunculi. "Admit it, wasn't that a good impersonation?"

"Are you expecting applause or something? It was passable, but barely." Lust shrugged, to which I frowned. That bitch, even though she _was_ older than the rest of us except for Pride, she always thought she was better than all of us, well, not as _much _as Pride, though, but still. You know how they say the younger siblings turn out to be spoiled? Well it doesn't apply to our situation. "It's my turn now." She held out a hand.

"Whoa, hold on, who said it was your turn?" Greed scowled.

"I said it. Now give me the phone, Envy."

"_Yeah right_, I'm going to give it to you. I'm not finished yet! Besides, Lust, you may look good, but I seriously doubt you even _have_ a sense of humor." I turned my back on them.

"What?! You had two turns!" Lust said furiously. "I want to go next!"

"No I'm going to go next!" Greed argued.

"You can go after me! I'm going next!"

"I want to go!" Gluttony interrupted. We blinked at him in surprised.

"Gluttony?" Lust asked, also taken back.

"What?" he asked nervously. "I never get to do anything by myself... even when I go outside, one of you... one of you has to look after me."

"..But who are you going to call?"

"Probably the pizza place," I joked. Seriously though, who _was_ he going to call? "Anyways, none of you are going to get this, because I have it right here, and I'm not giving any of you—"

I realized before I finished my sentence that the cell phone was no longer in my hands.

"Ha! It was MY phone to begin with, so I get to go next!" yelled Greed, waving the cell phone at me. When did he even take it from me?

"Uh, no, it's Ling's." Lust pointed out like it was common sense.

"Same thing!" he scowled.

"Well I came up with the idea to make prank calls!" Lust held out her hand and her nails extended into shiny blades. Alright, then if she was going to get serious and use her Ultimate Spear...

"Give me that! It was in MY hands!" I ran towards Greed in an attempt to snatch the phone away, when—

_CLING_.

Sometimes you can see things happen in slow motion. And according to how I saw it, THIS WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES. The cell phone flew into the air and fell to the ground as a sharp, black, razor-like _thing _flew past me in a blur and knocked it out of Greed's hands. All of us turned around to see Pride with his snake-like shadows covered with multiple purplish-red eyes and sharp, bared teeth that appeared to be grinning.

"You're making a fuss," he said coolly.

It was all so fast, unlike a minute ago when I saw things happen slowly, that none of us registered what had happened. What I could understand was that we had tried to make a grab at the fallen phone at the same time, and the table with snacks was knocked over. All the food slid off the table and landed on Pride. As a result, his clothes were soaked, the carpet around him was stained and the remaining food littered the floor. Cake and soda dripped from his face and hair, and the popcorn, along with everything else that was in the dip stuck to the sugar and cheese that had caked his clothes. Shock and confusion written all over his face.

For a few awkward seconds, no one said anything.

So, I decided to break the silence. "AHAHA, HAHAHAHA...you look ridiculous, Pride! HAHAHA...hahaha.. hehe.." And he really did, half of his face was covered in cream and he looked like an idiot.

Just as the words left my mouth, Pride's expression turned from shock into rage. The eyes in his shadows flashed angrily. My laughter died down and I stopped smiling, backing away slowly.

Maybe you would underestimate Pride the first time you saw him. He looks like a kid, well he _has_ looked like a kid all his life, really, but he's around 400 years old. He can be a nightmare when he really wants to. And the best thing to do when he gets mad is stay away from him.

So, the next thing we did was _run_.

"I AM GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU!" he shouted, releasing all of the terrifying shadows that were covered with the eyes and teeth. And unfortunately, there were no light switches to shut off the light. We all screamed and took cover, except for Sloth, who was _still_ sleeping, oblivious to anything that had just happened.

Gluttony accidentally tripped over the fallen table and Pride's shadows sliced through it a second after he had scrambled up and ran after us, as he usually does, on all fours. They lashed out on the chairs, curtains, and the decor on the walls.

"Calm down, Pride; at this rate you're going to damage the whole room!" Lust shrieked, running to avoid the shadows that were hot on her trail.

"What does he care? It can be fixed with alchemy," I gritted my teeth and realized I was near the exit. Just then, the door opened and Wrath was standing in front of it. Everyone, including Pride, froze.

"I knew the the six of you could make a hell lot of noise, but it sounds as if you're all screaming and tearing the room apart at the same time," he was saying, shaking his head with his eyes closed. "Try to refr—" when he opened his eyes, he immediately stopped talking.

Another few awkward seconds of silence passed. He turned away and shut the door.

Pride's shadows retreated and he walked towards the door that Wrath had just closed. "You five are going to clean up this mess. I am going to go change." He slammed the door shut behind him.

"How are we supposed to clean this up without anything?" I demanded. "And it's not 'five' it's four because SLOTH IS F*CKING SLEEPING!"

"Yeah and the only ones he actually listens to are Father and Pride." Greed muttered. "Couldn't they just get a state alchemist to fix this?"

"So, how are we going to even clean this up? I'm not touching the food." I kicked a can across the room.

"Can I eat it? All of it?" asked Gluttony all of a sudden.

"Are you mentally ill, or something, of course n— wait, on second thought, you can eat all of it~" I grinned.

* * *

**Pride's POV**

"Those..those.." I couldn't even find the right words to describe my hate towards them right now. I looked like a clown, and every mirror I passed I couldn't bear to keep my eyes on longer than a second. "I'm going to show them..."

I threw open the door to the store room that led outside and came face to face with Edward Elric.

I jumped back in surprise. Surely I was seeing things. Yes, that was it. I guess stupidity truly is contagious, because I just made an assumption that I caught it from my siblings.

"Selim— I mean, Pride?" he asked. "What happened to your _face_?"

So I wasn't seeing things. "You," I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here."

"Neither are you," he frowned. First of all, his attire was strange. He was wearing a military uniform, which looked odd and out of place on him, and had in his hands a pair of ignition gloves that I was sure belonged to Colonel Mustang. Which was even more suspicious.

"I have reasons," I crossed my arms. "So why are you here? Weren't you the one who received the two prank calls Envy sent a while ago?"

"_Envy_ was the one who sent _both_ of them? Ugh that dumbass! That short joke wasn't funny, you know— I grew five freaking inches since the first chapter, damn it! Oh...and why are you covered in food?"

I gritted my teeth and decided to answer him first. "I have a bunch of idiots for siblings, see, who fight over everything. Even _Sloth_ complains about the most easiest tasks he has to perform when he's awake, WHICH IS ALMOST NEVER. I was trying to calm them down and they knocked a table down with food all over it. So I got covered in all of it and came here to change my clothes and clean my hair. Unfortunately for me, I cannot leave even after I change. My siblings have to spend a night here partly because Wrath has to work late, and partly because they have nothing better to do, and in order for them to do so, my presence was requested.

"Now I told you why I'm here, and also where you received that prank call from. It's time for you to explain."

"I guess I don't have a choice.." Edward frowned again. "Well I thought it was Colonel Mustang who called and it really pissed me off. So I decided to sneak in wearing this uniform, because I'm not supposed to be here at the Central command center. I waited until Al went to his room, because he had a date with May earlier and he already had dinner, and then left the house so I could steal the colonel's emergency ignition gloves, but it turns out he's not here, so..."

I sweat dropped. "That is the most lame plan to get revenge I have heard of."

Suddenly, we heard footsteps outside. "Hide!" I whispered harshly. We ducked under the desk and kept quiet. The footsteps died down. Until we were completely sure it was safe, we crawled out of our hiding spot.

"We have to get out of here. I'm not supposed to be here, and you are not either. If anyone finds me..."

"Afraid of us humans, are you?" Edward jeered.

"It's not that!" I hissed. "If I get found my 'mother' is going to give me a two hour long lecture because I'm supposed to be in bed! And it's all Wrath's and the rest of their fault I'm here in the first place!"

"Hmm, I see. So, I guess I'll leave," he shrugged and was about to leave the room, when I suddenly thought of something.

"Wait, Edward. I have an idea. Come with me after I clean up; I know exactly how to get my siblings back for this."

He turned to look back at me. "Huh? When did I ever agree to become friends with you, _Selim_?"

"I'm not saying we are— but you don't really like them, do you? And, you'll be able to get back at Envy, right?" I watched him carefully, waiting for a response.

"True, I don't like them," he began. "Well, except for Greed, we're 'friends' if you want to call it that.. Okay, then, I'll help you."

"Good," I said, walking over to the cabinet to retrieve the spare clothing belonging to me. "So, here's what I am going to do."

**A/N: Yes, they are going to continue prank calling, if you're wondering. So what do you think Pride is going to do? Any suggestions? Don't be afraid to review them, I might like your ideas!**


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